Friday, December 24, 2010

Searching For Meredith Love is on sale now!

My novel, Searching For Meredith Love, just went live on Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, and Google Books.  I wrote this book when I was living in New Mexico.  I spent years trying to find an agent, and although several liked it, no one actually wanted to take it on.  Since my last book went up on Kindle and is doing so well, I've realized that I don't need an agent to sell my book.  If you are a writer, you understand the beauty of this sentence.  Finding an agent is, I kid you not, harder than writing a book, but, I don't need an agent to sell my book!  Merry Christmas!

Amazon (Kindle, iANYTHING, Smart Phones):

Barnes and Noble (Nook):


Google Books: Coming soon.  Books are uploaded, but it takes five days to show, apparently.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Books Sales/Mice Update

Sales have been chugging along on my book, and, sadly, no more mice have been caught.  (See Dead Mice vs. Book Sales post.)  Raised an Irish Catholic I am, of course, deeply superstitious which is why I can't rejoice that we have no mice.  I can only wait for a sales slump and listen for the traps to go "clack, clack, clack!"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Three Minute Fiction

This is a story I submitted to the fifth round of NPR's 3 Minute Fiction.  There were over 5000 submissions, so I won't take it personally that I didn't win.  :)   The contest was announced on 9/11/10.  I was in the kitchen, cooking dinner.  I turned my ideas around in my head for the rest of the evening, and as soon as I got the kids went to bed, I ran upstairs to type it out.  The next day, I cut about 200 words to stay within the 600 word limit.  And then it was done.  And here it is.  600 words exactly.

The Neighbors

Some people swore that the house was haunted. Even before the brownstone stood empty, the family that lived there was isolated; the mother wore a black burkha that made her look like a negative image of a ghost floating down the street. Maybe it was unfair to blame the family for the distance; neighbors on the block felt uncomfortable making small talk.

“I’d be in a tank top,” said Marie Costa, three doors down, “and she’d say ‘Hi,’ covered, from head to toe, with her two kids. And I’d flashback to my grandma telling me I had loose morals because I’d gotten my ears pierced.”

Eric Williams, one door down, regretted that he’d never learned their names. “If we’d known them better, we could have tried to find out what happened to them.”

The family disappeared on 9/11/01, but no one noticed at first. Cynthia Rice’s husband was killed in the World Trade Center. In the aftermath, everyone was shell-shocked. Jet fighter planes roared overhead and paper from the towers floated across the East river to land in Joan Wellington’s backyard.

Joan was the first to realize they were gone. As anti-Muslim sentiment rose, Joan decided to pay them a visit, to extend a hand of friendship. No one answered her knocks. Chinese food menus were piled up at their door. Talking to neighbors eventually established that no one had seen the family since Mr. Smith, an elderly renter, saw them leave together on the morning of 9/11.

The years went by but the house stayed empty. Wet leaves covered the sidewalks. Snow fell. Gum melted to the pavement. Each anniversary, the block mourned the man they had lost. As time passed, some said the Muslim family was responsible for Jeffery Rice’s death. Others said they had fled in fear. Others, like Joan, just wondered what had become of them.

The ninth anniversary was especially upsetting to the block because friends had stopped speaking to each other over the issue of the Muslim center near ground zero. Joan, for example, was no longer on speaking terms with Cynthia, her neighbor of 17 years. They had watched each other’s children, and Joan had practically moved in when Cynthia’s husband was killed. But more recently Joan had called Cynthia “prejudiced” and Cynthia had said that Joan hated America.

On 9/11/10, Joan saw a man unlocking the door of the empty house.

She went outside. “Hello. Do you live here?”

The man turned. “My sister lived here, with her family.”

“I remember them.”

The man didn’t speak, as if he was expecting Joan to say more.

“What happened to them?” she finally asked.

He looked surprised. “They were killed in the attack on the World Trade Center,” he said. “My brother-in-law had an office. They often breakfasted there on days when my sister and the kids spent the day in Manhattan.”

Joan stared at him, in shock.

“I live in London, and I couldn’t bring myself to return to face my sister’s empty home,” he said. His shoulders dropped. “But nine years of being haunted by a house is enough.”

“I didn’t know.”

“The papers printed their names,” he said.

“I didn’t know their names.” Joan bowed her head. “Someone else on this street died there, too.”

“You mean Rice?” The man shook his head. “Haven’t you read the paper? He didn’t die. They just found him, in Canada. He had never gone to work that day. He’d been fired the week before and hadn’t told his wife. When the towers fell, he just left.”

Nothing was ever the same again after that.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Dead Mice vs. Book Sales

Mice. In our house. We have mice in our house!!!

I was enjoying the first quiet period I’ve had, probably in three years. Kids were asleep; husband was at a garage sale. I was in the recliner, reading. The house was gloriously silent. In this dead silence, a mouse ran into the center of the living room, saw me, and ran back under the sofa. My feet were up. I actually had time to read in the middle of the day. Sometimes, as a mother, you make choices you never thought you’d make when you were single. I kept reading. Then a second mouse appeared (different color), saw me, and ran back under the couch. I debated. I read another paragraph. Then I got up and called my husband on his cell. Miraculously, he had it turned on and he heard it. He’d found a used swing set for $10. I asked him to pick up mouse traps on his way home. I brought my dog in from outside. He didn’t want to hang out with me. He wanted to go back outside, so I had to use the baby gate to trap him in the living room with me. I had this notion that he might catch one of the mice. As soon as he fell asleep, a third mouse appeared, saw the dog, and ran back under the couch. My husband called. He was stuck on the interstate, behind an accident, with the swing set strapped to his little pick-up truck. “Get home as soon as you can,” I said. “I have the mice cornered behind the sofa.”

No more appearances by mice. My husband walked in full of doom and gloom about the mice. “Once you have mice, they’re here to stay. They were all in the sofa??? There's probably a nest in the sofa!” etc. By the time he was done, I was totally freaked out. I had to leave the room when he pulled back the sofa.

There was no nest. There were no mice. The little rascals got by me and my dog. Probably through the ventilation system. We set spring traps. That evening, as we watched TV, I saw a mouse run down our hall three times. Our traps caught no mice.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. We got glue traps. I had a mouse problem in college. Of course, that was in a dorm, in Brooklyn, NY. You expect mice there, but not in Omaha. I am morally opposed to glue traps. Mice don’t die instantly – they suffer. But in college, the spring traps didn’t catch them. And on one quiet, Brooklyn day, when I was studying philosophy in the kitchen and my roommates were gone for the weekend, a family of seven mice walked across our linoleum floor. They also got into all our food, including the bag of bread on top of our refrigerator. So I solved my moral dilemma. I only put the glue traps down when I was home. As soon as a mouse was caught, I threw it out my sixth story window. I killed ten or twelve mice this way. (Relax! They all landed in the courtyard in the center of the building. No one had access to the courtyard).

My husband bought twenty glue traps, which we put out after the kids went to bed. No mice.

Now, coincidently, I have an ebook for sale on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, and Smashwords. Every day I can see the sales I made. You might think I’d check daily for a week, then get bored and check weekly. But no, I check my sales about 25 times a day. I feel like a rat, pushing a button to get a pellet. Sometimes, I get a sale, sometimes I get four sales, sometimes I get nothing. In research studies, the more pellets the rat gets, the less it pushes the button. The more intermittent the reward, the more it keeps pushing. So, basically, I’m a rat. A writer rat. Now, here’s the weird part. The first day that I had no sale, we caught a mouse. Then I had sales for four days. No mice. Then a day with no sales, but a dead mouse. So now, I’m torn. Do I root for a book sale, or a dead mouse? And why can’t I have both? Because God thinks he’s pretty damn funny, I guess. Or fate, or the universe, or the Mouse God. Which would you root for? Book sales or dead mice?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Truth About Dating, live on Kindle!

This week my novel, The Truth About Dating, went live on Kindle. I posted it after hearing an interview on American Public Media’s The Story with a writer, Karen McQuestion, who, after years of false starts with literary agents, posted her novels on Kindle. Within six hours she had a sale, and eventually, a movie deal. That’s when a publisher came calling.

The way Kindle works, you upload your book, set your price, and get a percentage of every sale. If you list your book from $2.99 to 9.99, you get a 70% royalty. This is amazingly high. Any other price gives you 35%, which isn’t bad either. I decided to set my book price at $1.00. After all, I wasn’t expecting to get rich from my book sales. I just want people to read it. A low price seemed like a good way to get people to take a chance with an indie author.

Posting the book was a lot harder than I expected. Amazon doesn’t really give you much help, but after a week or so of trial and error, I finally figured out how to convert my manuscript to html and upload it. I had a great cover, done by graphic designer Jennifer Digman.

When I finally went live, I put a bottle of champagne (actually, cava, from Barcelona) in the fridge. I was going to celebrate when I made my first sale. No one knew that my book was posted (except my husband). I started manically checking my sales sheet. It was like biting you nails or any other bad habit. I couldn’t stop, and nothing sold. After two days, I told myself, OK, no more checking for one week. But the next day, I had fallen off the wagon and was logging on to check. And lo and behold, I had a sale. I had sold a copy of my book!

I called my husband from work. He said, “I’ll have the champagne ready when you get home.” But then I started wondering if some family member or friend had stumbled across my book and bought it. Plus, it was a Wednesday night. Did I really want to drink a whole bottle of champagne on a work night? I called my husband back and said, “Let’s save it for the weekend.” Then, just before I left work that day, I checked one more time, and this time, I also clicked on the sales report for the UK. Two sales in the UK! I had sold three books, and two of them in the UK! I called my husband back. It was time to celebrate!

When I got home, he had made my favorite food, popovers. And mac and cheese. And we opened the cava and toasted those strangers who decided to take a chance on an author they’d never heard of before! The kids had juice. And of course, they wouldn’t eat the homemade mac and cheese because they prefer the instant Kraft kind that you cook in the microwave. Kids always help keep your life in perspective. I’m Julie Christensen, author, seller of three books, and mother of fussy eaters. Amen!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Let Your Money Do The Talking And Your Feet Do The Walking

Yesterday I received a letter from Citibank, which said that in order to maintain their profits “amid the rising cost of doing business” (ie: consumer protection laws) they were adding a $60 annual fee unless I spent $200/month on their credit card. For all these years, they’ve been charging interest rates of 18-25% and they now want to also charge everyone an annual fee? I’ve had that card for 21 years. It was my first credit card, and for many, many years, my only credit card. This morning, I called Citibank,
reached someone in India, and canceled my card. I was nostalgic for the 22-year old me who first walked into the Citibank on Myrtle Avenue in Brooklyn, NY and signed up for that card. But it doesn’t pay to be sentimental when you are dealing with loan sharks. It took the man across the world in India just a couple of minutes to close my account. As he hung up, he said, “Thank you for choosing Citibank.”

Wells Fargo has been my bank for 12 years. I even got my mortgage through them. About a year ago, for the first time ever, I bounced a check. It was my mistake. I had the money, but I’d forgotten to transfer it from savings to checking. I realized the very next day, but by then I already had two overdrafts. I called Wells Fargo and explained everything. Talked to the bankers and fixed everything. I thought. But what the bankers didn’t tell me was that Wells Fargo had opened a line of credit in my name and used that money to cover the bounced check. I don’t always read my bank statements carefully. So it was a few months before I realized what was going on. By then, I had already paid over $200 in interest. I went in person to the bank, explained what had happened to a banker, and she said, “This will teach you to read your mail.” She was rude, condescending, and unapologetic.

Today, the New York Times reported that John Stumpf (see pic at right),
head of Wells Fargo, earned $18.7 million in 2009, up 64% from his salary in 2007, and double what Lloyd Blankfein at Goldman Sachs earned this year.

Wells Fargo has made their last dime on hidden fees from me. Last week, I moved my accounts over to a regional bank. When the regional bank’s banker heard my tail of woe about the interest charges on the line of credit, she said, “I thought it was illegal to open a line of credit without your permission.” It probably was, but how am I going to fight some fine print written by an army of Wells Fargo MBAs? Wouldn’t it be great if a great collective unconscious drove everyone to move their money out of Wells Fargo? In the meantime, John Stumpf is probably basking in the sun somewhere warm, laughing at how he nickeled and dimed his customers into the poor house while he lives like a king.